Skip to content
Camp Logo

Your Store

5th Avenue Logo

5th Avenue

New York

Store Details
Boston Logo

Boston

Burlington Mall

Store Details
Brooklyn Logo

Brooklyn

City Point

Store Details
Columbus Circle Logo

Columbus Circle

The Shops at Columbus Circle

Store Details
Dallas Logo

Dallas

The Hill

Store Details
Hudson Yards Logo

Hudson Yards

Hudson Yards

Store Details
Los Angeles Logo

Los Angeles

Century City

Store Details
New Jersey Logo

New Jersey

Garden State Plaza

Store Details
South Norwalk Logo

South Norwalk

The SoNo Collection

Store Details

The 12 Gifts of Christmas, Ranked

Not to sound ungrateful or anything, but some gifts are just WAY better than others.

Sarah Burns · 29 days ago

Insta 12days storeis00THuMB (1)

Heeral Chhibber

My “true love”  – now my ex – went completely overboard this holiday season, and it led to property damage, heartache, and a hefty fine from the Animal Control Agency. Learn from my mistakes: if you’re planning a gift exchange, make it fun and easy for everyone, and try CAMP’s Gift Game! It’s filled with fun toys for kids of all ages, cool, unique stuff for grown ups – and absolutely NO live poultry. 

Here’s a definitive ranking of all twelve gifts from my “true love:”

1: Five Golden Rings!

  • Pros:

  • Pretty, practical, timeless, and goes with everything.

  • Can wear them all on one hand.

  • Not a bird or a person.

  • Cons:

  • My “true love” didn’t remember that I prefer silver.

partridge and turtledoves

Heeral Chhibber

2: A Partridge in a Pear Tree.

  • Pros:

  • Pears are tasty.

  • Trees are nice.

  • Seems pretty low maintenance.

  • Cons:

  • Have to ask my landlord if I can have pets.

  • What do partridges eat? Is it pears? I hope it’s pears.

french hens

3: Three French Hens

  • Pros:

  • Free-range eggs!

  • At least that’s sorta useful?

  • They walk like tiny T-rexes.

  • Cons:

  • I don’t...really love eggs. Whether laid by regular hens, or French ones.

  • The other birds are starting to become territorial.

4: Two Turtle Doves

  • Pros:

  • They can keep the partridge company.

  • Seriously considering opening an aviary. 

  • Cons:

  • I’m absolutely certain my lease doesn’t allow having this many animals.

5: Six Geese A-Laying

  • Pros:

  • Free-range goose eggs!

  • Cons:

  • Geese become very aggressive if you approach their nests.

  • There are goose nests everywhere.

geese

6: Eight Maids A-Milking

  • Pros:

  • Fresh milk!

  • Cons:

  • Are they all living here now? I’m pretty sure we’re way past the legal occupancy, and my bathroom has been taken over by birds.

  • I have a-lactose intolerance.

7: Four colly/calling birds:

  • Pros:

  • I’ve learned “colly bird” is an old-timey way of referring to any bird that’s black, and it’s always nice to learn something new.

  • Cons:

  • No matter what words you use, there will always be someone there to tell you you’re wrong.

  • My “true love” seems to think my only interest is birds.

  • They’re horribly shrill.

  • I don’t even really like birds, tbh.

rings and colly birds

8: Nine ladies dancing

  • Pros:

  • I think I can talk them into taking some eggs and milk before it all starts going bad.

  • They’re teaching me some new moves.

  •  Cons:

  • Their dancing frightens the maids’ cows, and riles up the birds.

  • My feet keep getting stepped on.

  • I don’t think my “true love” really loves me anymore. 

ladiesdancing

9: Eleven pipers piping

  • Pros:

  • They’ve frightened away the waterfowl.

  • There’s music for the dancers now.

  • Cons:

  • It’s so very loud here.

  • I’m getting constant noise complaints.

  • Pretty sure my lease won’t be renewed.

  • True love is now my sworn enemy.

10: Seven swans a-swimming

  • Pros:

  • They’re graceful, beautiful birds.

  • Cons:

  • They’re enormous, terrifying birds.

  • There’s an avian turf war happening in my bathroom.

  • I’m never getting my deposit back.

  • The post office refuses to make any more deliveries to my address.

drummers

11: Ten lords a-leaping

  • Pros:

  • Maybe one of them can reach that really high light in the hallway that’s been out for most of the year.

  • Cons:

  • Daily dance-battle confrontations with the nine ladies.

  • All of my furniture is broken.

  • My lawn is completely destroyed.

  • Haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in over a week.

12: Twelve drummers drumming

  • Pros:

  • ????

  • Cons:

  • WHAT?

  • I’M SORRY?

  • DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?