The Definitive Ranking of Santa's Reindeer
This just in from the North Pole: Santa’s reindeer tell all.
Olivia Armstrong · about 1 month ago
Get to know the personalities behind Santa’s hoofed helpers (who, without fail, manage to knock a shingle loose every year, but we love 'em anyway). This is the definitive ranking of the antlered crew guiding Kris Kringle’s sleigh.
Note: All nine reindeer, of their own accord, ranked one another, as well as themselves, based on their contribution to this year’s world-wide present delivery. Below are the results of that group-reflection. Mr. and Mrs. Claus want CAMP readers to know they love and respect all of their reindeer children equally and believe their individual differences only make them stronger as a team.
Cupid is like, so over Christmas. Is it Valentine’s Day yet? Presents under the tree are quaint and all, but Cupid knows everyone is secretly waiting to be showered in roses and chocolate in less than two months. Needless to say, if you’re trying to spot Santa’s sleigh from the ground, look for Rudolph’s nose, but keep an eye out for Cupid’s red and pink get-up, which usually involves sequins.
And a-one, and a-two, and step… Dancer, get your head in the game! It’s almost Christmas! We found out Dancer has been a bit preoccupied this year, auditioning for the North Pole’s Annual Talent Show. It’s only the biggest deal in the Arctic and everyone who's anyone is going to be there: Frosty the Snowman, Buddy the Elf, Jack Frost. Christmas may come once a year, but stardom never sleeps!
Let’s face it. Even the elves tinkering around Santa’s workshop get bored with their day jobs every now and then. Especially when Karen keeps going on and on about how her nephew made the Nice List — again. (Give it a rest, Karen. We know Billy has been eating his vegetables.) In swoops Comet! The embodiment of Party Animal, Comet knows how to liven up a slow season and remind everyone that the North Pole is where it’s at!
Oh, Blitzen. The wild child. Blitzen brings a special kind of spunk to Santa’s sleigh. Only problem is he has a lot of energy to burn and likes to pretend it’s the most wonderful time of the year, every day of the year. He takes solo laps around the world, chasing the euphoria of Christmas Eve night, even in the summertime. Rumor has it, he makes rooftop pit stops all over the world. Though Blitzen says it’s to “scope out new chimneys for Santa,” Dancer and Prancer have both confirmed it’s so he can secretly work on his base tan.
Have you ever wondered why you manage to sleep through Santa’s visit, year after year? That’s all thanks to Vixen. The sleigh’s stealth operative, Vixen is a pro at making sure the reindeer crew keeps a low profile while they wait for Santa to finish up that plate of cookies and milk. It isn’t the flashiest gig, but plays a vital role in keeping the magic of Christmas alive for generations to come.
When he’s not with his BFF Dancer, Prancer is busy scheduling team-building activities. In lieu of a profile, Prancer wants to remind everyone of this week’s agenda: There’s Taco Tuesday (featuring Mrs. Claus’s famous guac), then Snow-prah’s Book Club on Thursday; Friday is karaoke of course, and Saturday is movie night, featuring the world premiere of Dancer’s Piano Recital (because Spider-Man: No Way Home won’t get to the North Pole until next week). Elves, Misfit Toys, The Clauses, and guests are all welcome. The more, the merrier!
Not much has been known about Donner....Until now. A reindeer who prefers to work hard, meditate, and keep to themselves, Donner is known around the North Pole as a confidante, mentor, and devoted follower of Brené Brown. When the stress of the holidays seeps into Santa’s workshop, Donner is the one to remind everyone that the Christmas Spirit is to be enjoyed and celebrated, no matter how many presents still need to be wrapped.
Sure, he may be the most famous reindeer of all, but our red-nosed friend has plenty to learn. Rudolph does an impeccable job guiding Santa’s sleigh, but last year, we found out he almost delayed present deliveries in the Southern Hemisphere because he forgot to update his Waze app. Classic rookie move. (It’s updated for this year, don’t worry!) Growing pains aside, Rudolph is well on his way to becoming the leader of the pack...as soon as we can get him to stop flirting with Clarice, already.
While the classic tune, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” may be about the most famous reindeer of all, there’s a reason Dasher is name-dropped first. That’s because Dasher is the O.G.; the GOAT, the unsung hero of Santa’s antler clan. He steers Santa’s sleigh by example and isn’t afraid to dish out some tough love if it brings out the best in his reindeer brethren. Without Dasher, there’s no way Saint Nick could make it all the way around the world by Christmas morning. So when you thank Santa for your presents this year, make sure to give Dasher — and all his reindeer pals — a shout out, too.